More Eudaimonia: a brief response to polyamory

I watched Louis Theroux’s recent documentary on polyamory, and my immediate thought was: the middle classes have reappropriated a Feudal way of life and are selling it back to everyone else, which in a (admittedly irrational) way seems a little unfair. There is a lot that makes sense about larger family units: the division of labour makes things more manageable and children are more likely to receive more direct care, and a wider variety of socialisation, which is, of course, one reason for the capitalist dismantlement of the extended family during industrialisation. You’re less likely to become dependent on (indebted to) the State if you live in an actual community. This isn’t an argument specifically for polyamory, merely aspects of living which could be championed by polyamorous communities. But I didn’t hear any of this, in fact the only question posed throughout the documentary was, ‘are you happy?’ The children were mostly a silent presence, one unit was referred to as living in an eco-friendly and at least partially self-sufficient household, but its relevance to their romantic entanglements wasn’t explored. It’s difficult to know whether this omission was due to anything more than Louis’ own interest or editorial choices; either way it felt like a missed opportunity.

Polyamory in a fundamental sense suggests a return to a pre-industrial model of social organisation. At least it has the potential to, when its focus extends beyond immediate gratification. The more the merrier in the context of socioeconomic liberation is a promising point of interest, and I advocate a re-examination of what the family could mean for an alternative to the most common model of urban living: the solitary unit in debt slavery. However the more the merrier for these Oregon suburbanites was really only an answer to existential boredom. A sexuality-formation which in essence merely codifies the problem of choice in a hyper-consumerist, ever-permissible, neoliberal society, without offering a fully articulated political response.

Originally published at girlgotakeyboard.wordpress.com on December 8, 2018.